To stay or not to stay?

Reading my mom's status makes me realize that things have really changed. I can't wait to go home and see my parents again but that won't be a for a little while, and it turns out okay with that.

The people who are doing the Spring program are leaving VERY soon and it's putting things into perspective. I was homesick for the entire month of February and I kept saying that one of my only regrets about this program was doing Spring Advantage because all I wanted was to go home. But now that I've gotten over my homesickness, I'm so, so happy I chose Spring Advantage. Four or five months just isn't enough to fully experience everything Disney and Florida has to offer. I feel like I haven't put a dent into all of the things I want to do and I've been utilizing my days off almost to the fullest by going to the parks with people and still I feel like I've barely experienced anything.

It's funny because I keep asking people who are leaving in a couple weeks if they feel like they've done everything they wanted to and they keep asking me if I can switch programs with them so I can go home and they can stay til August. It's a joke, obviously since that's impossible but my immediate response is to laugh and say, "Not in a million years." It makes me realize that even though there are a lot of things I dislike, like Florida weather, late nights, long shifts, feeling unappreciated, and dealing rude guests, I'm still really happy here. I'm living my dream-- the biggest dream I've had in recent years and it would have been stupid of me not to choose the longest length of time to be here.

It's going to be extremely hard saying goodbye to all of the cast members who are leaving. There are some people going home as early as May 10th-- some of my best friends, and I'm not looking forward to it. I can only imagine what part time and full time cast members feel like. We've created bonds with everyone and it would probably suck to say goodbye to great people every semester just to have new CP's come in. If you're doing  Fall or Fall Advantage, give some of the regular cast members time to get over the departure of old CP's. I can imagine that the transition is at least a little difficult for them every time. Even I don't feel as welcoming as I should be to whoever is coming after the Spring CP's leave. I'm sure they're really great but it's hard saying goodbye to people that you've gotten really close to.

I've been playing around with the idea of extending in recent weeks. Part of me doesn't want too because I miss my family and I'm not entirely sure I want to miss Thanksgiving and Christmas at home. But then I do want to extend because it's Disney and I know I'll miss it so much when I go home. I'll probably be homesick for Disney longer than I was for my actual home. I missed it for an entire year and I had only vacationed at Disney for three days! I would be here for Halloween, Christmas, and probably New Years which would be great because so many cool things happen around that time. But I would be so homesick... On the other hand, though, I would probably work such a ridiculous amount of hours around the holidays that I wouldn't have much time to think about home. I just remember being so upset over the fact that I wasn't home for Easter and that's such a minor holiday in comparison to Christmas. But it was also my first major holiday away from home so some sad and negative feelings were bound to arise. I would be here for my 21st birthday too and that would be pretty great. I could have my first legal drink at EPCOT. But not being home for major holidays would still suck and I know I could just request those days off but it would be so difficult...

There's also the question that if I did extend, would I want to stay in custodial or would I want a new role? I wouldn't want to give up the freedom of walking around wherever I want and talking to guests for as long as I want, but it might be fun to do something new.

But if I didn't extend, I could go home, finish school, and coming back to Disney later is always a possibility. I only have one point on my record card for calling in sick once and I've been here for almost three months. Most of my friends have reprimands so I guess I'm doing pretty well in that department. For those of you who may not know, your record card is a huge part of whether the company rehires or extends you after your program. But I've also heard that your record card goes away after six months or something so would that even help me?

Do you see what I have to go through? This is a big decision to me for multiple reasons and I'm not sure what to do. I think I should probably talk to my parents about it but ultimately it's my decision. I don't know. There are some days where I'm like, "I should extend!" and there are some days where I'm like, "Okay, I want to go home in August." It usually depends on what kind of work day I've had.

I'm probably making a bigger deal out of this than I need to but when I think back on it, working for Disney was all I wanted for the longest time. Do I want to let that go so soon? I've got a lot of thinking and figuring out to do. Good thing I have until around June to decide.